Tis the Season to be Peaceful

The holiday season can be a wondrous menagerie of parties, gifts, culinary delicacies and glittering decorations. On the other hand, it can be a reminder of loss, loneliness, illness and financial woes. Aren't I a downer? Possibly, but it's true.

It can be annoying when people go around telling you to be merry and happy just because it's December when all you want to do is go into hibernation with the bears. I can recall a Christmas when my life was in the dumpster and the seasonal pressure to be joyful made things so much worse. What did I do? I stepped back from the holiday hoopala and gave myself the gift of peaceful reflection. I made time to meditate, took long walks, read books and cried. I spent less money and made up excuses not to attend parties. What was the result? A cleansing calm feeling and a sense of control in my life.

I'm pretty indifferent about Brad Pitt, but I really did like something he said this year, which is, "I think happiness is overrated, truthfully. I do. I think sometimes you're happy, sometimes you're not. There's too much pressure to be happy. I don't know. I know I will be at times and I know I won't be at times. Satisfied, at peace, those would be more goals for myself."

On my difficult Christmas (and I'm pretty sure, if we live long enough, we'll all have one) I wasn't happy, but I was at peace. I let myself grieve. Although sad, I felt satisfied -- and from there I was able to move forward. Along those same lines, Scott Peck starts The Road Less Traveled (which spent 694 weeks on the NY Times Bestseller List) with, "Life is hard. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.  Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters."

It's sort of like, life is hard. I know it and I'm going to deal with it. When the hard comes along I'll accept it and that is where peace comes from. So if you're feeling lonely or depressed or lost this December, know you're not alone. It's all part of living on the planet Earth. No one can escape it. It's okay to step back from the merriment. Kick back, embrace your melancholy and know that a better day is on the way. 

Remember holiday celebrations are not prescribed. If you're into it, go for the festivity -- I know I am this year. But if you're not, shrug your shoulders and tell yourself  it's okay because it really is.

This week we'll look at ways to bring peace into the holiday season whether we're feeling happy or sad.

Kick Back Song of the Week:

Here Comes the Sun by the George Harrison. The earth's star may not always be visible, but it is always there. We can count on that even when it's hidden behind a cloud.   

Kick Back Book of the Week:

Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a psychiatrist and a Jew who was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany. His parents, brother and wife died in the camps or were sent to the gas ovens. Although he suffered extreme torture, he discovered what he refers to as, "the last of human freedoms." He could decide within himself how all of what was happening was going to affect him. He chose to keep his basic identity intact. Although I don't imagine he was happy, he found peace. 

No one can say it better than Viktor Frankl himself. Here he is speaking about how to overcome suffering in 2009.  

A Little Something Extra:

Bubblemania -- It's Not Just for Kids

As I mentioned in my previous blog post, bubbles are my favorite toy. There's something about these clear orbs floating around that makes me smile. An image of laughing children, sunny days and a peaceful feeling surfaces when I see bubbles. I'm not alone. Bubbles are the best selling toy in the world and have been around since the 18th century when mothers used to give children leftover washing soap to play with.

But they're not just for kids. There's a street corner in the art district of Berlin where adults gather just to make bubbles:



Bubble sections are featured in many museums around the world. Here's a scene from the Hong Kong Museum of Science:

Parents and preschool teachers use bubbles to calm and entertain active children:

There's even such a thing as bubble painting:



Why all this love of bubbles? Some things are meant to be enjoyed, not analyzed, but I do like the explanation given by Sir John Edward Millais who painted the portrait, "Bubbles" in 1886.

Millais stated, "Bubbles are fragile and have a brief moment of beauty before they burst." In the 1800s Dutch artists painted children blowing bubbles to convey the brevity of human life, the transience of beauty and the inevitability of death.

All this magic costs about 49 cents per bottle at most stores.

So the next time you're feeling stressed, blow some bubbles. See what happens. If you you don't have any around watch this video:

A Little Something Extra:

Bubble Recipe:

1/2 cup of dish detergent (washing up liquid)
5 cups water (soft water is best - if your water is very hard consider using distilled or bottled water)
2 tablespoons glycerin (available at the pharmacy or supermarket). You can substitute light corn syrup (not golden syrup!)
Mix the ingredients together very carefully, so that you they don't get too bubbly. Pour into storage containers and, if possible, leave overnight to blend.

Shopping for Toys on the Internet

If we're going to start playing, we'll need some toys. Luckily, we're smack in the middle of the prime shopping season so there's lots to choose from. I did a little Internet browsing and found some unique items. Here are my top ten:

10. Skatecycle - I am certain I would injure myself just standing on this contraption, but I wouldn't mind watching someone with a touch of coordination try spinning around on this. I'd advise wearing a helmet and I'm assuming the "no driving while talking on a cell phone law" would apply.



9. L.L. Bean Snowman Kit - No more searching for carrots in the vegetable bin with this handy kit around. Does not include snow. 



8. Photo*opoly - Interesting, but looks like a lot of work finding and pasting photos to play a really long game. I think I prefer the version that Parker Brothers makes for you. 



7.  Lady Gaga Paper Doll Book - No. She doesn't sing and dance when you pull the tabs.



6. R2 Fish Training School Kit - I had to include a video for this one. Just click the arrow. I might just buy a goldfish to see if this works.

 

5. Apples to Apples Board Game - There is always a non-electronic game under my tree on Christmas Day. My family plays it some time before dinner. My sons, at ages 21 and 23, tell me that they still enjoy this tradition. Of course, they could just be humoring me so I keep them on my Verizon plan and stay off their Facebook page. 



   

4. Air Swimmers R/C Inflatable Shark - Did anyone say air shark? For $30.00, I might buy the fierce predator. It could create quite a kick back moment as we watch it fly through my living room. With a 40 foot remote range, this toy could also come in handy if an intruder ever pays a visit.

Now, for my three all time favorite toys. I seriously would love to open a package and see these:

3. Silly Putty - I love flattening this sticky substance over newspaper comics and seeing the images that are copied onto it.



2. Crayola Crayons - When my sons were young they would be on to a new activity long before I was done coloring my pictures. Love choosing the various shades for my own unique design.



1. My favorite all time toy has to be bubbles. I really miss blowing these clear orbs into the sky and hated to give them up when my kids lost interest. Maybe I could start making bubbles again without looking too silly. You'll see why in my next blog post.   

                                                                                          

Please share any unique toys that you come across while shopping this year. Always fun to see what's out there. I'd also love to learn about your favorite toy.


A Little Something Extra:

"Play energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities."

Stuart Brown, MD
Contemporary American psychiatrist



Come Out and Play

Sometimes a kick back moment finds us and says, "Come play." It usually occurs when we're buzzing around like this:

It happened to me this past week and I almost didn't see it. I wonder why???

I was rushing through my work day when a 6-year-old girl (I'll call her Annie) asked me to read her a story. You see, I'm a speech-language pathologist who conducts evaluations (among other things) for a school district. I see a lot of kids.The problem is I generally don't get to play with them. When I assess struggling students, I do it efficiently, so they don't miss what's going on in their classroom.

Last Friday afternoon, as I was testing Annie, her eyes kept shifting to a bookcase. I re-directed her to  task, but her attention consistently drifted back to that bookshelf. When we were finished, she gazed at me with hopeful eyes and said, "Will you read me a story?"

I checked the clock. I still had one more appointment scheduled. I looked at those eyes. Her class was in the library. I figured the librarian was right in the middle of an activity so Annie wouldn't have a clue what was happening. I decided to be 15 minutes late for my appointment and told Annie to pick out a book.

Annie jumped up and skipped to the bookcase. She browsed for a minute, tapping her finger on her chin, then returned with The Very Busy Spider by Eric Carle. It made me smile. I'd read this book at least 100 times to my own sons who are now 21 and 23. Annie and I meandered through the pages meeting various animals and contemplated whether the spider would stop weaving his web to go play. Right in the middle of our own very busy day, Annie and I took a moment to kick back.

Was it a good thing? We enjoyed it, but did it make our work day more productive?

"Play is one of the top ways to develop stress resilience," explains Dr. Kathleen Hall from the Stress Institute. She goes on to say, "We cannot be stressed and play at the same time. When we play, our blood pressure goes down, our heart rate goes up; we produce endorphins. We get into almost this flow state of happiness."

Research points out that recess breaks at work increases productivity in the office up to 127 percent. Click here for more:  http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/story?section=news/health&id=6414669

I have to agree. After the fun reading, the sense of urgency left me and I still made it to my next appointment. I was just happier when I arrived.

Am I suggesting you bring The Very Busy Spider, play dough and bubbles to work with you? Probably wouldn't be a good idea unless you work at a daycare center. But I, and research, found that taking mini-breaks at work to do something you enjoy will actually increase your performance and will make you a more content employee.

Stay tuned. This week we'll explore various ways to incorporate play into our life. Any ideas?

Kick Back Song of the Week:

Peter, Paul and Mary remind you to never grow up all the way with Puff the Magic Dragon.



Kick Back Book of the Week:

Find a child, if you don't have one of your own, and read him or her The Very Busy Spider by Eric Carle. I guarantee you a kick back moment:



A Little Something Extra:

"Life must be lived as play."

Plato
Greek philosopher
427–347 BC

    

Shopping

"Would you like to try some wine?" a man wearing an evergreen sweater and a smile asked.

"Sure. Do you have Pinot Grigio?" I responded.

"Absolutely. Do you prefer a fruity or oak flavor?"

"Can you explain the difference?" I asked, a touch embarrassed. I never quite understood what that meant.

He explained and went on to tell how the wine I was about to taste was fermented in Northern California. The man, who introduced himself as...gosh I wish I could remember, maybe Jeff, pointed to a platter of cheese and crackers set on a table adorned with garland. "Help yourself."

I did.

Where was I?

Not  a swanky holiday party...Not an expensive wine bar...Not a really good dream. I was shopping on Black Friday.

While other shoppers were stampeding to purchase $2.00 waffle irons and dodging mad women with pepper spray, I was being treated like a socialite in a small wine shop in Saratoga Springs. Thank goodness. I don't know about you, but I think the Black Friday craziness has gotten out of hand. Just look at some of the headlines:

The L.A. Times:   Wal-Mart's Unhappy Holiday Tradition: Black Friday Violence

Bangor Daily News:    Man Accused of Stabbing Tire Over Black Friday Dispute

Chicago Tribune:   Violence, Pepper Spray Mar Black Friday Shopping

Tis the season to be jolly?

Despite these disturbing headlines, I still believe holiday shopping can be delightful and I proved it at that wine shop. You're probably thinking, but how expensive? Surprisingly, not very. I bought a variety pack of six as a gift for $60.00. Plus, I received  a mini seminar, had questions answered, was treated to friendly greetings, conversation, music and food.

After placing the wine in my car, I continued shopping. I experienced a store front window frosted with snowflake etchings, bells that chimed when I entered a shop, a platter of cookies, hot apple cider and various scents like pine, chocolate and peppermint. I came home energized, cheerful and ready to delve into the holiday season.

I can count myself lucky. An informal survey conducted by Shop Talk found that most people do feel stressed about holiday shopping regardless of their budget. Reasons include crowded malls, outrageously chaotic traffic conditions, uncertainty of what to buy as a gift, and more gifts to buy than the wallet can accommodate.

Well, I believe for every problem there is a solution. So if one of these stresses is causing a frazzled feeling to accompany you while shopping for those perfect gifts, here's my "top ten" solutions to shoo it away:

  10.   With the exception of Black Friday, start early in the morning. Parking spots will be more abundant, crowds will be less and stampeders will most likely be sleeping off their spending spree hangover from the previous night.

  9.  Go to at least three small shops on a street as opposed to the mall. Chances are you'll be treated to delicious snacks, greeted by friendly merchants and offered gift suggestions for those hard to buy for folks on your list.

  8.  Enjoy the ambiance. The music, decorations and scents are amazing this time of year. Don't ignore them.

  7.  If you don't have small children of your own, spend five minutes watching other people's kids as they step up to greet Santa. Scenarios you may encounter are beard tugging, screams of apprehension and eyes filled with awe.

  6.  Buy a cup of hot chocolate and find someplace to sit. Watch the bustle pass by you.

  5.  Don't fret if you can't find the perfect present for someone. People love gift cards. They really do. If you think it's too impersonal, put it in a decorative gift bag along with an inexpensive universal favorite like candy, gloves, a book, lotion, a candle, gourmet coffee, etc.

  4.  Don't forget an important person who is often ignored during the holidays -- You. Treat yourself to lunch at your favorite spot when shopping is done.

  3.   Don't pull all of your hair out trying to find that special someone a "must have" item. If they are that special, they'll understand you did your best. Yes...even kids...especially kids. Remember his or her birthday is less than a year away.

  2.  Stay within your budget. The credit card bill that comes in January can be more frightening than trying to get your hands on a $3.00 towel at Target on Black Friday. Believe me. I've received one of these shocking statements before -- not a kick back moment.

1.  Enjoy that giving feeling. Don't worry about the actual gift. Most can't even remember the presents they received the previous year. What they can recall is the warmth that came with it. Don't lose it at the mall.   

Kick Back Book of the Week:

I'm going with a classic short story this week, The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry. No matter how you celebrate this season of giving and peace or what your beliefs may be, this simple tale tells how the best presents don't always come in a package. It begins:

"One dollar and eighty-seven cents. That was all. And sixty cents of it was in pennies."

To read the entire story click here:  http://www.online-literature.com/donne/1014/

Kick Back Song of the Week:

If holiday shopping really does become horror shopping just start humming In My Mind I'm Going to Carolina. Hopefully it will take the edge off. Here it is sung by one of my favorites, James Taylor:

  

A Little Something Extra:

Saratoga Springs, NY

Happy Holiday Shopping!