Saturday, May 12, 2012

Wise Words From My Sons

Whoever said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me," was wrong. Words are powerful. They can hurt, but they can also heal. This Mother's Day I'd like to recognize word gifts that my sons, Max, 23 and Greg, 21, gave me. Words that I often think about. Words that help me make decisions. Words that relieve difficult times.

When Greg was 8 or 9 years old, I was going through a turbulent period with career, finances, personal problems—the works. I tried to hide the stress I felt from my sons, but kids aren't stupid. They can detect emotional discord. At one point, Greg asked me, "What's wrong, Mom?" I explained my frustrations to him sensitively, in terms I hoped he would understand—told him that many of my hopes and dreams weren't coming true, and that I was feeling very disappointed. His reply to me was, "Maybe you're just supposed be doing something different."

It stopped me cold. Lightning had struck. "Something different!" Maybe what I wished for wasn't meant to be. Maybe it was "Something different." Maybe I was right where I was supposed to be—discovering how to live independently, growing in a job, learning how to manage money, solving problems. Sure, life was hard  but the challenges were making me stronger; enhancing my character. Since the day Greg gave me that advice, I view periods of discontent differently. I view them with acceptance, patience and wonder. After all, it's during those thorny times that we often discover a beautiful rose.

Now for Max. He started driving to high school when he was a senior. Not wanting to deal with the traffic in the student lot, he parked in a small dirt space nearby. One day when he arrived, Max saw a group of guys roughing up a meek young man. Appalled, Max stepped out of his car, and demanded that the bullies leave the kid alone. After some verbal banter, the guys took off and Max walked to school with the relieved victim. When he came home that day, Max told me about the incident. The humanitarian in me admired my son's altruistic behavior. The mother in me imagined the worst case scenario—visiting my son badly beaten in the hospital. I told him that I highly regarded his actions, then added, "Just be careful. You could have gotten really hurt." Max replied, "It would've hurt more to walk away."

My heart swelled with pride. It was one of my finest moments as a parent and, oh, the times I've pulled those words out of my life toolbox. For example, I work for a high needs school district, and occasionally become frustrated as I try to help disadvantaged students achieve with limited resources and rigorous academic demands. Sometimes I just want to quit. Why don't I?

"It would hurt more to walk away than it would to stay."

I write novels, along with tens of thousands of others. Traditional publishers only accept about 200 titles from new authors each year, so the chance of seeing my work in book form is slim (unless I self-publish). I pour myself into my writing with little recognition. Some days I want to quit, but it feels so wrong. Why?

"It would hurt more to walk away than it would to stay."

When we become intimately close with people, they bring us joy and pain. Inevitably, we go through periods when the pain outweighs the joy, and we feel like giving up on that relationship. Why don't we?

"It would hurt more to walk away than it would to stay."

Of course, there are occasions when it hurts more to stay than it does to walk away. That's when things get really tough.

So during this Mother's Day week, I would like to thank my sons for the gift of those beautiful words. They have served me well. You two are the best!!! 

This week, I'd love it if you'd share a favorite quote, or story, that helps you along life's journey. Maybe we can acquire a collection of wise words and I'll post them soon.

KICK BACK BOOK OF THE WEEK

And the Whippoorwill Sang by Micki Peluso. A memoir that will warm your heart, then break it, then help it to heal. This story grabbed from the beginning, and will never let me go. Do yourself a favor and read it. Here are the first few lines from Amazon's description:

"Happy times, a sunny day, a driving drunk, eight lives forever changed. A mother's account of actual events of her family, filled with laughter, love, loss, and survival. It is a day like any other, except the intense heat wave has broken and signs of early fall are in the air. Around the dining room table of her 100 year old farmhouse, Micki Peluso's six children, along with three of their friends, eagerly gulp down a chicken dinner. As soon as the last morsel is ravished, the lot of them is off in different directions. Except for the one whose turn it is to do the dishes. After offering her mother a buck if she'll do them, with an impish grin, the child rushes out the front door, too excited for a hug, calling out, "Bye Mom," as the door slams shut. For the Peluso's the nightmare begins.




KICK BACK SONG OF THE WEEK:


My Wish sung by Rascal Flatts. The lyrics express "My wish," for my sons this Mother's Day, and always.

  



A LITTLE SOMETHING EXTRA:

Happy Mother's Day!


http://www.americangreetings.com/ecards/view.pd?i=566558931&m=9159&source=ag992



  

19 comments:

  1. What a perfect book selection for Mother's Day and I wish all mothers everywhere a most wonderful Mother's Day!

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    1. I agree about Micki's book. The "word" needs to get out about this story. Happy Mother's Day to you too, Sandra.

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  2. @ Peggy - Nice story. I also enjoy the song you chose to accompany it by Rascal Flatts. I am also a big country music listener.

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    1. I love country music!!! I have tickets to see Sugarland in a few weeks and can't wait. I also enjoy the country music you feature on your blog posts.

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  3. Love your blog! I found it through linked in, Yay!
    Blessings,
    Kimmy

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    1. Thanks Kimmy. What's the URL for you blog? Sometimes the posts on Linkedin get so long, it's easy to miss people.

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  4. Beautiful post, Peggy. Words are definitely powerful. In fact, Solomon said that both death and life are in the power of the tongue. We have an awesome responsibility to use words to build up, to give life. Your sons certainly spoke words of wisdom to you. "Out of the mouths of babes" is so true. I wish you a very happy Mother's Day. Having never been married, I have no children, but I can rejoice for those who do.

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    1. I always love your comments, Diane—so positive and wise. I had a great Mother's Day. Although my sons couldn't make it home and I didn't get to see my mom, we shared some wonderful words :0)

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  5. Good morning Peggy and Happy Mother's Day,
    Your words of wisdom are so true, and it is nice to have gathered them in your toolbox. I do the same thing and collect them in what I call my treasure chest, the God moments of my life.

    These are principles that I have learned to live by because they keep me going when the path is at its darkest.

    Ciao,
    Patricia

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    1. Hi Pat ~ I love the idea of a "word" treasure chest. I keep favorite picture quotes on my computer desktop—a great reminder about how I want to "do" life. ~ Peggy

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  6. Hi Peggy, I so look forward to Sunday mornings! Before I leave home for church I always check my email for your post. And today's was wonderful. I have two sayings which have liberated me. The first is: 'It is what it is'. I use that when life is getting too much for me. And the second is: "Don't define myself by my problems, I am not my challenges!" Joy and happiness to you on this Mother's Day!
    Gwynneth

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    1. Thanks Gwynneth. "It is what it is"—perfect! Those words ring true. In fact, stress sets in when we try to change, "what is" into "what isn't" and "can't be." I love your second quote too. Problems are just part of life. Thank goodness there are "solutions" to go with them.

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  7. As they say, "out of the mouths of babes." I have learned a great deal from my kids as well, and feel blessed to be able to do so. Too many write them off due to their youth but their minds are not cluttered; sometimes simple wisdom is the best kind. Thank you for sharing; you have a right to be very proud.

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    1. Like you Linnea, I have learned so much from my sons. It's true. We need to tune into what children say. Their words are simple and often hold a great deal of wisdom. Have a great Mother's Day!

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  8. Peggy, there is a surprise waiting for you at: http://todayinshenaya.blogspot.com
    Check it out and enjoy!
    Gwynneth, Seth and Erin

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    1. I just looked at Today In Shenaya and am so touched. I can't believe I'm part of the library project in Cape Town. Thanks you so much!

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  9. A hearty yes, to the wisdom of our children, and the spirit that keeps us doing what we do for (hopefully) the right reasons. So here's a quote for your collection - 'A wild patience has taken me this far." It's the title of a book of poems by Adrienne Rich that I bought when it was first published in 1981. The title alone has me going back to the collection again and again.

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  10. What a wonderful story! Thank you so much for sharing it with us. It just goes to show you what a great mother you are by the way your sons act. You must have some bad@$$ DNA, I guess that would make it BADNA! LOL! Itruly love this and am now a new follower. I found you through LinkedIn and I think what you are doing is amazing so keep up the great work! I look forward to reading your other posts, receiving your new posts, and hopefully seeing you around my blog.
    Wishing you abundant blessings,
    Kimmy
    HTTP://www.withoutalabel.me

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  11. Thank you for sharing those words of wisdom Peggy. You must be very proud of your boys.

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